The Pig on Beale

Spare us these "food" animals with attitude!

Who do they think they're fooling? Attitude?

We are reminded of H.L. Mencken's mordant observation about politics wherein he likened the voter to "an ox whose last proud, defiant gesture is to lick the butcher behind the ear." Little did ol' Henry Louis know that he had handily encapsulated the Suicidefoodist's Code!

Yes, this could be taken for a comment on the entire suicide food mythos! Take The Pig's pig. (Please!) All that "attitude"—the shades, the sleeve rolled up to show off his he-man physique—and for what? How does the pig use his attitude? Does he kick his would-be killers and consumers in the ass? Does he smash the idols of suicidefoodism's corrupt church?

Hell no!

He performs the equivalent of licking the butcher behind the ear. Ass-kicker? More like ass-kisser! He advertises for the pork pushers! It's an act we've seen (and documented) countless times, and yet it still makes our shoulders sag and our heart ache.

The shame! The humiliation! Stupid pig doesn't even care that he's made himself into a contemptible laughingstock.