Saturday, November 8, 2008

Cozy Cow Mattress System

This product promises to give cows a pleasant, abrasion-free place to lie down and rest.

Is that so bad? Why are we showcasing it here? Do we object to cows sleeping comfortably? To efforts undertaken on their behalf?

No, no, of course not.

It is not their comfort we object to. If, though blameless, they must be confined to the penitentiary, we would have them afforded as comfortable an existence as possible.

Indeed, one of the many benefits of this product is that "Dinged-up heifers and 'basketball' sized hocks are history. You save in reduced, premature culls... and lower vet bills."

And won't the cows be more comfortable knowing that their owners' vet bills are kept low! Not only are dinged-up heifers history, but so are the cows' worry lines and troubled sleep!

No, it is not the cows' comfort we object to. It is this cow's smiling depiction. As though her smile, as she snuggles on her Cozy Cow® Mattress System, negates the truth of her life. That dozy smile—that contented Mona Lisa smile—is a lie!

(Thanks to Dr. Becci for the referral.)

Addendum (4/12/09): We assume this image represents the same company and the same cow-cozying line of products.


Zuchini Breath said...

first, I would like to thank you. This has always bothered me and I finally have a name for it.

2nd, I don't know if it counts but have you seen the new Der Weinershnitzel commercial? A committee "grills" a hot dog as he quivers in fear. I am sorry I don't have a link or anymore information, I only briefly saw it once.

It made me think of your blog, though.

David Moss said...

ben, great concept/great site. Glad you found my site so I could find yours.