Suicide Snacks: quickies 6

As our schedule demands, we allow ourselves a little breather with these brief discursions.

(And as your schedule permits, please review the previous installment of the series.)

Have you forgotten that even worms enjoy dying? No form of life is so humble that it can remain unmoved at the thought of its eventual, meaningless death!





Far be it from us to claim that a pig derives her worth from her capacity to charm humans and fill them with lusty fervor, but Sweet Mama doesn't exactly… Well, she's not the typical barbecue floozy. She is possibly a boar in drag.










Second thoughts or a simple case of stage fright?








Over the years, we have seen some unappealing appeals, but this is the least enticing enticement we can remember.
















Addendum (4/19/10): It's our stage fright pig, here on fire and representing a firehouse cook-off in Louisville.

Hotlix

Mr. Genuine Worm has a lesson for us:

All of nature, the ancient plants, the miraculous animals—all of her myriad children!—the entire pageant of That Which Lives! All of it strives to be eaten! By you!

(Okay, "strives" might be a little strong. El Worm is hardly striving to do anything. That's more like "basking." Still, you get the point.)

Hotlix, the "original edible insect candy creator," shares more than worms! Ants, crickets, butterflies, scorpions, and more await your gullet.

These particular animals know that you probably do not wish to eat them. Not because you—ha!—respect them, or experience some sort of (snicker) kinship with them. No, it's not that they are spared. They simply don't make the cut.

Insects, arachnids, and annelids have to try harder.

They must appear cuter. More friendly. Less threatening. This is some major rebranding here. Insects? Creepy? Hardly! When you think insects, think cuddly! Think "man's best friend," so like us, so attuned to our Way of Life. And then you'll want to eat them for sure!

Yes, it is suspect philosophy, but this is hardly news to us.


Whether assuming the form of American icons (again with the American Gothic lookalikes?), chocolate-bathing hot-tubbers, or anything in between, they will do whatever it takes, try on any disguise, if they can only convince you that they deserve to die.









(Thanks to Dr. Josh for the referral and the photo of Genuine Worm.)

Bait: Suicide Food-by-Proxy

It's a brand-new category of perplexing suicidefoodist imagery. Or rather, we have only recently been made aware of it. It offers us fresh worlds of puzzlement. For these are not animals jockeying for a spot on our plates. No, their sites are a little lower. Still, while their ambitions are not so grand, their passions burn just as bright.












We admire these lowly creatures. Just think about it: so eager to start at the bottom—beneath the bottom!—they will even sign up to become food for food! In the world of suicide food, the instinct to be eaten is as strong as the desire to live is among actual animals. And these things don't care who or what eats them, as long as their death is assured.







This topic also introduces us to the single most freaky-deaky image we've uncovered so far, possibly the freaky-deakiest thing in the entire suicide food canon. It took all of our willpower to resist leading with this one, but our dedication to craft won out. So now, to forever scar your psyches and corrode your souls with infinite doubt in the universe's fundamental goodness, we give you… the buxom bait-leech.

What dreams foul the slumber of the suicidefoodists? What demons drive them? What could account for this abomination, this lipsticked, buttocked leech destined to be man's food-once-removed? What to make of quote-sweetest-unquote? Are we being reminded that leeches aren't for us to consume directly? Is the implication that the sexy bloodsucker is so "sweet" she'll really "take care of us," if you know what they mean? (Nudge, nudge.)

Where is the mind strong enough to withstand such questions?

(Thanks to Dr. Nadia for the vending machine photo and to Dr. Ribozlifozelek for the "Live Bait Sold Here" photo.)