Friday, December 23, 2011

Colman's Instant Beef Gravy

Things are different in Australia—profoundlymystifyingly, adorably, offputtingly different—so there's no reason this should startle us.

But it does.

Because, to demonstrate the agreeable flavor of their meat-based food moistener, the Colman's Instant Beef Gravy people have introduced us to a beef paste-born bovine reincarnation springing forth from his sacred gravy boat. Look at him, freed from Death's grim shackles, leaping above the table top, destined to splash himself all over your plate! 

Of course, it's only what any right-thinking animal offered a second chance at life would seek out: not escape, but a quick trip back to the conveyor belt of consumption and nothingness.

Thus has suicidefoodism ever represented it. So eager are the animals to die that their most numinous vocation is not to die once, but to return to life to die again. The second death is sweeter, surely, because they rush into it with eyes open. Having already savored their own destruction, they hasten back to their utter negation, the no-time and no-place where they are finally at home.

And so Zombie Gravy the Bull soars. He cavorts and poses. He dances and sings. 

And what a song it is! For reasons we can't begin to explain (no, not even with all our big words and pointy-headed ideas), he croons "I like the way you moo!" He likes the way we moo? (We weren't aware we were mooing.) But you try arguing with a reanimated bull made of gravy.

See the whole thing for yourself. 

(Thanks to Dr. Julian for the referral.)


Anonymous said...

This isn't just an Australian thing. Unfortunately in the UK our televisions are also sullied by this distasteful advert.

Anonymous said...

re:we aren't mooing... maybe from the zombie bull's point of view the commercial isn't for us (humans)? rather, the commercial is actually for other bulls! the commercial displaying the benefits of gravy afterlife? @ecodeathmarch

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