Sunday, November 2, 2008

Festival of Cruelty 7

We apologize. The time has come, again, to leave our stronghold of irony, of bemused bafflement. Suicidefoodistic imagery, absurd though it be, has at its heart the intent to deceive. By obscuring the real story and offering up prettified images of animal subjugation and death, it means to provide plausible deniability.

But these logos. They care not for such niceties. They have no need of deception. They will not sugar-coat. Instead, they will sewage-coat! (Find the previous installment here.)

Road Kill Smoking & Grilling Team: The dog rides the barbecue Slim-Pickens-in-Dr. Strangelove-style to terrorize the animals he will kill and (possibly) eat raw. What's so charming is the idea that the animals who sacrifice themselves for the nation's barbecuers should be driven from us, panicked, only to be run over and flattened by a rabid pet. Or wolf. Or whatever that maniac is. A break? Why should they get a break? Haven't they already been provided substandard feed for all those months? And for what? What have they given in return? So far, nothing! So brace yourself, cow. Say your prayers, chicken. Prepare to die, pig!

Butt Whoop:How about this, from our Adding Insult to Injury department? (Or, more accurately, Adding Injury to Death.) Before the pig can be barbecued, he must be bludgeoned and bloodied. Curiously, they went to the trouble of administering first aid before flinging him onto the grill. (To prolong his agony?)

Big Dipper Bar-B-Que: Cast off your comforting myths! Big Dipper Bar-B-Que knows that the most effective appetite stimulant is brutal reality. The chicken's neck won't wring itself. The bones will not snap of their own accord. The feathers will not fall like autumn leaves. Hence, the Fist of Painful Truth. With nothing but concern for the chicken's ability to die an honest death, it squeezes, squeezes. (Has it really been over a year since our most recent "choking the chicken" reference?)

Merchant Street Smokehouse: Again, the idea is that the animal must suffer before death. Even before the knives are sharpened. If this necessitates the hiring of a cowboy to humiliate a bloated hog, so be it. This is not child's play. Note the look of shock and horror in the pigsteed's eye. Do you get the idea he will welcome death? Please ignore the simpleton/pig in the corner. The less said about him, the better. (Thanks to Dr. Bea for the referral.)

Chicken To Go: She wants only to flee the hellscape that has been constructed for her. The sign is like an image of their surveillance of her. She's frozen in a moment of fear and desperation. Afterward, they watch her begin her furtive escape. They trail her cab all the way to the airport. She grabs her suitcase from the trunk. And then, in the gloom of the near-empty parking garage, they jump her. (Thanks to Dr. Edie for the referral.)

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