Wednesday, April 1, 2009

All Fired Up Back Yard BBQ

You! Human!

No, I'm talking to myself. Shut up and let me tell you how it's going down.

You are going to get this grill started and—

Don't give me that! You are going to get this got-damn grill started, and you are going to chuck slabs of me down and—

Yes, slabs of my meat! Shut up and listen!

Really? You think? Of course you'll have to kill me first! What, you want me to do it myself? Fine, chickenshit. I'll do it.

But then you'll have to hack me up and get me cooking.

What in the— You are useless! Why did I even invite you over? Look, carve me up and cook me. It's easy, stupid!

Hey! I like me medium-well! Don't overgrill the flesh. You understand? Do. Not. Overgrill. I'm not messing around.

No comments: