Our chicken cowboy has everything he needs to play the part.
Bowlegged stance? Check.
Big belt buckle? Check.
Lasso skills? And how!
An upright spirit of rugged virtue? Well… That's where the whole thing sort of falls apart.
Far from an independent icon of the West, Ranger Chicken is bought and paid for, every bit as owned as any branded Aberdeen Angus. We're not sure what it is he does to earn a living—a chicken herding cattle?—but we do know where his story winds up: the frying pan.