Thursday, January 29, 2009

Suicide Snacks: quickies 3

Even long-winded diatribadours need to take a break to catch their breath every now and then. That's where our popular series of "quickies" comes in.

(Have a nice visit with our most recent installment, won't you?)

We suppose that the Fogal Meat Market is located in the basement of Minitrue, Oceania's esteemed Ministry of Truth. For, you see, FOGAL = Fed On Grain And Love. Ah, yes. Love.

The stage that follows FOGAL is OBSAL. You know: Offed By Sledgehammer And Love?

The folks at Old Hickory have been tinkering with Mother Nature. Thus, their twisted handiwork: Progs! Pig/frog hybrids have long been the suicidefoodist's holy grail. Long-legged, floppy-footed, they spring onto the grill of their own accord. It's a revolution in animals that hasten to cook themselves!

Speaking of helpful entrées, Big Table Farm's silverware-sized pig trots right to your table with a replacement fork when you drop yours!

"When I take a sip of Cherry Blossom BarBQ Sauce, I get the sensation of being a morbidly obese hog stuffing its face with cherries until it chokes on cherry-flavored vomit!"

(Are those commercials even still on?)

1 comment:

Zucchini Breath said...

Meat? Fed on love? What the hell is going on on those farms?