Suwannee River Smokers

Happily, three little pigs disport themselves on a raft floating down the mighty Suwannee.

On first glance, a charming depiction of carefree camaraderie.

But if we've learned nothing else, we've learned that second glances frequently offer their own rewards/punishments.

The truly horrifying aspect here is not the pigs' deeply ingrained loyalty to their masters—even at a comfortable remove, they continue to wave the standard of their Florida BBQ Association captors—but the fact that they smuggled the barbecue onto the raft with them.

There they are, on the vessel that will ferry them to safety, and yet they've brought the grill along!

This calls into question the very nature of their escape.

Don't you see? They absconded not to spare themselves, but to ensure that they would have all the pigmeat to themselves—and to ensure that they will all meet a fitting death! They simply didn't trust the humans to torment them sufficiently, and so they carted along the implements of their own demise.






Addendum: At the website of the SRS lurks an image so foul that it would earn the Smokers a five-noose rating if it were their logo. We give you Cow Working the Barn's Stripper Pole (non-animated version). Now, stomach churning and bowels loosening, you might share in our revulsion. We're generous that way. Why should we be the only ones cowering under the bed?