Friday, October 17, 2008

Suicide Snacks: quickies 2

It's time for us to take a little break and climb down off of the treadmill. Our long sermons leave us winded. Enjoy these bite-sized examples of suicide food. (And when you're done, re-read the first installment of quickies!)

Not content with posthumously offering up their flesh, the Russell Meat Processing cow and pig volunteer the use of their living tongues and intestines for advertising purposes.

This Aberdeen Angus beef outfit doesn't need graphics to create an air of disquieting sexual innuendo. Words alone do the trick. Well-hung? Tender? Used in reference to cow carcasses hung to "age"?

To be fair, WH&T doesn't appear to see in their name even the hint of double entendre. Says their site: "All our beef is hung on the bone to mature for at least four weeks, five to ten days is typical in the UK. The hanging process allows enzymes longer to tenderise the meat and reduces moisture content, concentrating the flavour and preventing shrinkage during cooking." (Bone. Shrinkage. Snicker.)

Welcome to the world, little piglet! If you could just climb down from the… Yes, just… Can you untie the bundle? Great! Mind the semen now. Well! We're all very happy to see you. We're sure you're going to love it here on Earth. I see you've already met the stork. Yes, the place is really just filled with wonders! So! If you could go in there, right through the double doors? Yes, just follow the signs. Someone will be along shortly to kill you.

Childhood innocence is finally cast into the abyss! Along with the standard chicken, pig, and cow sacrifices, a teddy bear will be tossed onto the flames. He's been soaking for hours now in a mixture of barbecue sauce and tears.

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