Monday, October 13, 2008

Chicken in the Rough

This spokescock represents Chicken in the Rough, the world's first fried chicken franchise. Cue the trumpets!

In the prime of his life, out there on the links, he shows off a plump drumstick in Depression-era knickerbockers. Puffing away on his cigarette—the meat's smoked from the inside, one supposes—he is the picture of manliness.

And do you see? The rooster's priority—the one concern ruffling his feathers—is the ball's bad lie. He's in the rough, his round proceeding so poorly that he has snapped his putter. (Possibly using telekinetic powers?)

That he will be killed, hacked apart, breaded, and fried is not on his radar. His fate is a mere triviality compared with his do-or-die golf game! His apathy serves his masters well. This one won't kick up a fuss.

But linger not on the golfing cock! Turn instead to the caddie chick, that aspirational wundervictim! If all goes according to his fondest dreams for the future—"I'll gladly be fried for Chicken in the Rough!"—he will follow in the footsteps of his elders. He too will be dunked in boiling oil, thereby becoming part of the oldest fried chicken franchise's fabled history!

Dream big, little one. Dream big.

6 comments:

Thinking of changing my ways... said...

Come on, people! Don't you know that ALL animals dream of being killed and eaten? That's what all these folks are telling us every day! They wouldn't lie just to make money, now would they?

Seriously, though, I am not a vegetarian, but as I see this kind of thing, it really makes me consider it. I have become much more aware of these depictions than I used to be, thanks to your site. Combined with knowledge of what really goes on with factory farming, I am starting to become a bit shy about eating meat. You just might make a convert yet!
Keep up the good work.

Anonymous said...

I'm vegetarian, but the sheer pissiness of most vegan blogs almost makes me want to eat meat. Almost.

TheUnsilenced said...

Hurray, the little chicken has a dream! He's like us! Except that people wouldn't dream of being brutally dismembered and devoured. Wonder why...

Anonymous, I don't know what you mean by the "pissiness" of "most" vegan blogs, unless you are talking about how the exploitation and slaughter of more than 52 billion sentient beings and society's apathy about it, understandably pisses us off. Anyone who is vegan for ethical reasons should be pissed off about exploitation and killing. We don't tolerate such unnecessary violence (so don't expect us to "respect" other people's "right" to eat whomever they want), and we certainly would never talk about wanting to eat sentient beings again, because of some blog.

Anonymous said...

Let's put it this way. I don't think that ingesting dead humans is wrong. Why would I think ingesting any other animal is wrong?

Canaduck said...

Would you think killing a human was wrong?

That's the issue. Not the eating of the animal, the killing of it.

I'm vegan and I don't have a problem with the idea of eating something that died naturally. I wouldn't do it--because uh, ew--but I think it should be pretty obvious that the EATING of the animal (or human, as it were) isn't the problem here.

Anonymous said...

Fuck no.

Thinking life is special? I wouldn't do it-- because uh, ew--but I think it should be pretty obvious that living isn't special.