Hatfield Quality Meats

Such a soothing respite from the cares of the day! Thank you, Hatfield Quality Meats, for this quality coloring book!

Surely, however, it is more than a mere coloring book. Better to look on it as documentary evidence of life on the Hatfield Farm. What we see in its pages is, doubtless, meat of superb quality. The Hatfield Quality Meat pig, for instance. (Apparently, he has no name. But, being meat, after all, he deserves none.) His numbered days at HQM are filled with banjo pickin’, horse... um... mooin’ (?), and bunny cartwheelin’. That’s right: the plantation’s jes’ a fine place to be!

It’s a paradise is what it is. The grass, soft as a cloud, the birds and bugs singing along… Who wouldn’t want to live out the remainder of his or her “natural” life in such a setting? (Please note that the HQM pig is unnatural. He alone among the animals wears clothing—overalls and that HQM chef’s hat! Even when he frolics in nature’s playground, he still announces where his loyalties lie. With HQM, “naturally!”)



And when "work" (read: lying around fattenin' up) is done, it's away to dreamland! The HQM chef's hat comes off and the HQM nightcap goes on.

Shhh! The HQM pig is snoozing, alongside the HQM duck. (HQM duck?) And what dear dreams they must be having, for truly they are blessed to live in such a place. (The framed picture on the wall behind the headboard bears the legend "Home Sweet Home.") Even ol' man moon smiles on them. Unless... Is he just watching to make sure they don't escape?

Either way, this diptych represents a textbook rendition of suicidefoodism in all its bland, subversive power.

Sleep tight, pig. Don't let the "bedbugs" "bite."