Friday, February 2, 2007
"Is everybody ready to laugh?"
Don't look now—it's Oinky O'Squeals, the "hilarious" 17th Street Bar & Grill pig. This old ham wouldn't know his ass from a pork butt sandwich, but that doesn't stop him from believing he knows how to tell a joke. Desperate for a laugh—desperate for your approval—he trots out from the kitchen to regale you with his shopworn routine that wasn't even funny when he first ripped it off in the 50s.
The double chin, the spare tire, the crows feet—this guy's been around so long, the football they turned his firstborn into has liver spots. (Is this thing on?) Years ago, he fell from headlining, to warming up, to the barbecue circuit equivalent of dragging pedestrians into strip shows.
His one fall-back, his last attempt to win you over, is something he can do only once. There's no encore after this bit.
"Step right up, ladies and germs! I'll be appearing in the dining room in about an hour and a half, dripping with sauce and still pink in the middle. You won't wanna miss this one, folks!"