Friday, July 25, 2008

Festival of Cruelty 6

Post #300 is our excuse to venture into the no man's land of suicide food's evil first cousin once removed. The dwellers on this withered branch of the family tree see no need for the conventions that keep carnivory's darker truths at a comfortable psychological remove. Continually, we are compelled to return to this rotten vine and hope that careful study and familiarity will inoculate us from its toxic effects.

(Get in the sewer and review the previous installments of the Festival of Cruelty: 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5.)

Hatfield Pig Roast: When Hatfield Pig Roast roasts a pig, the pig stays roasted. They want the worthless swine to feel it, to experience every moment of the pig-roasting process in all its smothering torment. And look at him! What can we say but Mission Accomplished! The pig, wearing a… trench coat (?), gulps his last breaths, his life reduced to a hellish race for death.

Buck'n Chicken: That ol' buckaroo is having the time of his life! Yes, sir! And why shouldn't he? The freakish chicken-monster he has captured and broken is practically drunk with panic. That's like marinade to these people. By "these people," we mean wild chicken riders.

Funny Farm BBQ: They eat animal "children" (for instance this charming tyke), so why not mentally imbalanced animals? Still, as natural and wholesome as it is to exploit the suffering and credulity of reality-deprived lunatics, we can't help feeling a twinge of regret. Just a twinge, mind you, for we are lulled by Funny Farm BBQ's slogan: "Good meat, good smoke, good times." Sure enough, the pig looks happy. (Of course, the pig's mind supplies him with a never-ending parade of candy-colored hallucinations, many involving drunken bishops and giant squids made of pure sound.) The chicken and cow look happy, too. Do they know what they're doing, or are they merely acting out their demons' wishes?

In a Biskit: The denuded corpse of a chicken rises from his fresh grave, intent on spilling his hatred for the living upon the earth. And what caption accompanies this ghoulish rampage? "Alive with flavour." Good one, Kraft conglomerate!

(Thanks to Dr. Amy for the photo.)

University of Missouri Meat Lab: The very best thing about this image—apart from the sado-sexual overtones of the hazing/paddling—is that we found it at a site dedicated to something called Gentle Doctor Benefit! (They raise money for veterinary students at the University of Missouri.) We confess that we wonder about their gentleness if this depiction is associated with them.


M.L. said...

Hm, nothing stimulates the appetite like riding a chicken. *rolls eyes*

What a brilliant blog this is! I just wish I'd discovered it sooner; guess that's what archives are for.

Anonymous said...

"Good meat, good smoke, good times." indeed. Methinks they're smokin' something a little "funny" down on this "farm."

And "you can't beat the meat" is downright disturbing. The huge paddle, the terrified the U of Missouri trying to tell us something about how the ag department deals with the animals in its "care"?