Saturday, May 8, 2010


Albert Einstein, the world's favorite astrophysicist-cum-pitchman, is now called upon to sell pork.

This is only the latest example of the meat-movers' Pretense of Professionalism. To wit, human Albert Einstein plumbed the mysteries of the cosmos, seeing within them a mathematical elegance. If he had something to tell, it would have behooved us to listen. When his pig doppelgänger gets up there in front of the blackboard, hadn't we ought to listen as well?

Of course we should! The aura of the merely human Einstein reflects upon Pig Albert Einstein, conferring upon him authority and integrity. Which is, naturally, expressed by that arcane equation P=BBQ, which we assume—with lunch starting to rise on us—can only mean Pig (or Pork) = Barbecue. And if we are startled to find a pig in a sweater vest equating himself with a foodstuff, we must remember: this is no ordinary pig. This pig is the preeminent physics theoretician of his generation. (May we please ignore the fact that Pig Albert Einstein is working in a hackneyed bit of sexual double entendre? It's out of character, and we're already having trouble with lunch.) If he says it, it is true. Q.E.D.

Addendum: Another example of the Pretense of Professionalism can be found here.

Addendum 2: Pig Albert Einstein is depicted as a left-hander, and Human Albert Einstein does in fact appear on many lists of famous left-handed people. But when then of this picture?! We ask you!


John V. said...

Gentlemen, it's time. Time for pork and beans!

Yuka said...

The really sick thing is, Albert was a vegetarian! He said, "nothing will benefit humanity's chances for survival on earth as much as the evolution to a vegetarian diet." Given the current evidence, I'm inclined to think that's true.

Skeletondog said...

Agreeing with Yuka. Though unfortunately he only was a vegetarian himself for a couple years, he was vocally a supporter of vegetarianism. Pah!

Anonymous said...

Einstein really was left handed, but he was forced to learn how to write with his right, as per the attitudes of the time. Just clearing that up for ya. :)