Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Professor Fish

Pontificating from his ivory tower, Professor Fish typifies those big city academics who deign to tell us peons how to life, what to believe, who to be.

Oh, and it's not just fish! No, no, it's also pigs and cows!

With their noses in books and their heads in the clouds, these brainiacs are utterly divorced from the real world. The world we actually inhabit.

Of course, this appeal to authority has as its goal the subversion of critical thinking: If the best and brightest among us, those whose lives are dedicated to the discovery and transmission of knowledge, if they say it is so, it must be worth attending to.

But talk about absent-minded professors! Even those who never made it past 8th grade can identify a flaw in the good professor's theory. As he stands beside his thesis—flower of his intellect—we see a tiny little contradiction. Eat fish and, therefore, live longer. But for the fish, the simple proposition is refuted. When you eat fish, the fish do not, of course, live longer. They live no longer.

Not exactly a tenure track.

(Thanks to Dr. Portigal for the photo.)

Addendum: We are actively seeking other faculty members of Suicidal Animal departments from halls of higher learning around the globe. Especially any examples other than fish, pigs, and cows.


Anonymous said...

It's a proven fact ingesting mercury will extend the human lifespan! Eat up! BTW, Professor fish looks like something else. Something bad.

Desdemona said...

Oh, the smugness of the cloistered academic; this one was a classic, duly forwarded to various members of what the cognoscenti like to call "the knowledge industry."

You're my hero!!