Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Alberta Beef

When we were young, we were intrigued by the following conundrum:

What is the only question to which one cannot truthfully answer Yes?

The semi-official answer was "Are you asleep?" Now, of course, in the advanced state of our wisdom and cunning, we can easily imagine many other satisfactory answers to the riddle:

"Are you unable to use the power of speech?" "Have you forgotten the word yes?" "Are you a monolingual Croat who doesn't understand a single word of English?" And so forth. (And a disappointing parlor game is born!)

But one answer we could never have discovered on our own, without aid of this image or a similar mind-altering commercial message is "Are you a Canadian steer proud of 1) his country, 2) his prairie province, and 3) his suitability as a foodstuff?"

How can the poor guy not see it? How can he be unaware that he's being played for a chump, or the Canadian equivalent? (A "gordon," perhaps?) They're pissing in his ear and calling it Molson's.

Hey, pal. You're not on the team. To them, you're not a who, you're a what. You can't be a Canadian any more than a park bench can. All you can be is Canadian meat.

Wise up and quit being a gordon.

2 comments:

B.A.D. said...

Please tell me Gordon has read this.

jordanpattern said...

Ya know... I think this is actually a campaign aimed at PEOPLE. A classmate of mine (in law school, no less) owned a shirt with the I Am Alberta Beef logo on a regular basis. It was intended to indicate his beefiness, I believe.