Showgirl Ostriches

If there's one thing we've learned from our months of painstaking (and painful!) research, it's this: people who sell meat will try anything once.

There is no concept, no combination of diametrically opposed entities that will be denied its turn in the spotlight. A lobster prostitute? (A lobstitute, if you will.) They're game! A rockabilly chicken? Not a problem. A beer-drinking crabcake? A cinch!

There is a genius here, a force of invention that, if put to work for wholesome and useful purposes, could move mountains and paint the deserts green.

Alas, here we see it put, instead, to the dubious enticement of an ostrich-hungry public. (Or an ostrich fetishist public. There is overlap.) Showgirl Ostriches will set you up with any sort of ostrich you have in mind, as long as it is gourmet and/or select. For rancid and random ostriches, you'll need to find a different outlet.

We have asked it so many times that our usual redundancy—long a charming eccentricity—begins to resemble a character flaw, but what is going on? A sexy… ostrich? A seductive, ostrichine high-kicker? We believe in the beauty and glory of all creation, to be sure, but ostrich? You're not cutting it. This is not your strength.

Is the feathered vixen to the left what they were shooting for? Are they fooling anyone? Be honest: after viewing this, are you able to fight back the itching urge to eat ostrich meat?



(Showgirl illustration source.)