Bar-B-Q Heaven, Inc.

Like much heaven-centric suicide food imagery, this illustration merely pushes suicidefoodism's agenda to its "logical" conclusion.

Before we go further, we must insist that you ignore the disarmingly poor draftsmanship. Please ignore especially the right leg twisted and turned up unnaturally at the knee, and the crude rendering of the ribs. These sins are undeniable, but they distract us from our real purpose: the unflinching exegesis of Bar-B-Q Heaven, Inc.'s "text."

What do we know of the pig? He is dead.

Why is he dead? Man killed him.

Why did man kill him? To make him happy.

Why does being dead make him happy? Because he is finally freed from the moral and biological injunctions that had prevented him from eating pigs.

Why does he want to eat pigs? Man has told him that pigs are good to eat. He identifies so closely with man that he wishes to mimic man's habits. Notice that his spirit inhabits man's heaven. Notice also that he doesn't want to eat all pigs. He wants merely to eat of his own flesh.

If they're his ribs, where is the gaping wound in his body? He has been healed and made whole again by heaven's blessed hand.

But what about the checkered flag? Simple. The pig's race (his earthly life, his carnal sentence) is done. He has reached the goal of all obedient "food" animals: dear, dear death. He lives lived to serve.

Such is the bizarre worldview announced and bolstered and bolstered again by the Church of Suicidefoodism. It's for the animals! That's why we torment them so! For their own good. They want this! Their very souls cry out for it! This—and suffering, of course—is how they experience their utter fulfillment.