Monday, September 15, 2008

Topps Off BBQ

Do we even have to try? The suicidefoodists dish it up for us ready-to-eat. How little analysis is required, sometimes, to see the truth beneath the surface!

The horrible details we catalogued:

The pipes venting steamy pressure in sympathetic arousal and release. The pavement littered with bottle caps and empties, indicating slovenly debauchery. The bikini top draped over the grill. The burlesque of foaming beer bottles positioned to cover bare breasts. The high heels. The knock-kneed pose of the "innocent" sex bomb.

From what we can gather, the idea is that patronizing Topps Off BBQ will result in the consumption of great amounts of alcohol and the sexual conquest of a pig who may or may not be involved in the pornography industry.

All of which compels us to ask: Is barbecued meat so distasteful, even to its advocates, that they need to tart it up? In whose mind do barbecue and sexy pigs go together? In whose mind can the concept of "sexy pig" even find purchase?






Addendum: The extra P is for prurient!

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

You get 10 bonus points for the Simpsons "BBBQ" reference.

Ben said...

We didn't know we had made one.

(Do we need to refund the bonus points?)

Anonymous said...

From Lisa the Vegetarian:
Lisa: (reading the Homer's invitation) "Come to Homer's BBBQ. The extra B is for BYOBB." What's that extra B for?
Homer: It's a typo.

Minus 10 internets for your ignorance. Plus extra negative points for admitting your ignorance.

Anonymous said...

In whose mind can the concept of "sexy pig" even find purchase?

Google "furry".

Jared said...

Now that's what I call "lipstick on a pig"...

frank adam said...

I am in love with the writer of these grand reviews. You, my friend, are awesome!

Ben said...

Aw, shucks, frank.

Red said...

Her face reminds me of Luanne from "King of the Hill". I tried not to see the bizzaro body.