Father: Happy birthday, Mikey!
Mikey: Oh boy! What is it?
Father: (laughs) Well, unwrap it and see!
Mikey: Is it a puppy?
Father: Unwrap it!
The child unwraps the package.
Mikey: Oh. A truck.
Father: Yeah, but it’s a livestock truck! I know how much you like animals.
Mikey: What’s a livestock truck?
Father: It’s a truck that takes animals to the processing plant.
Mikey: What’s processing?
Father: You know. Processing. But first, the truck takes the animals on a long, long ride. Remember when we went to California last year?
Father: Same thing! Only the animals don’t get any food or water and the whole thing is horrible and lots of animals die on their way.
Mikey: (starts to cry) Why don’t they get food?
Father: That would be a waste! The animals will be killed before they could even digest it. What would the point of that be?
Mikey: They get killed? (sobbing)
Father: Sure! But they like it!
Mikey: (unintelligible speech)
Father: Now you can pretend to drive the cows and pigs and chickens to their death!
Mikey: (loud crying)
Mother: What the hell are you doing? How did you get in?
Father: I'm just giving Big Mike his birthday present.
Mother: I thought my lawyer explained this to you.
Father: Come on, Helen. It’s his birthday!
Mikey: Daddy wants me to kill chickens!
Father: I don’t want you to kill— I just want him to pretend to kill them! The animals want you to kill them!
Mother: Janet was right! You’re sick!
Father: Don’t you get it? The animals want to be killed! Besides, it’s good for Mikey’s imagination!
Mother: What the hell are you talking about?
Father: Imagining what it would sound like back there. The screams of fear. And my god! The smell!
Mother: Get out or I’m calling the police!
Father: I’m going, I’m going. Happy birthday, champ!
Mikey: (sobbing, unintelligible speech)
Mother: Get out!
Father: Remember, I’ll see you this weekend, champ!
(Image sources, top row: HobbyTron, GO Antiques; second row: GO Antiques, Truck Hobby; third row: Mega Hobby, unknown.)