Saturday, August 15, 2009

HappyTime Farms

The so-called Happy Meat phenomenon finally comes out of the closet. This place puts the word front and center. It's one big happy time down on the farm!

The cow is smiling to beat the band! Talk about your wholesome good time!

Bundle the kids in the car and head on down. Depending on the season, you can enjoy a pumpkin patch, corn maze, and hayrides. And don't forget the multitudes of grinning animals.

Please contain your confusion and alarm when you discover that not every activity there is suitable for the whole family.

This flier—a promotion for the same happy farm—was under windshield wipers in our actual neighborhood, on our very street:

Granted, the sheep look a little cheerful, we suppose. Nothing to rival the toothy cow from the website, but still. They appear happyish, right? In spite of the dissonance created by the very name of the establishment—happy time… slaugherhouse?—the sheep are at least bearing up well.

They're exhibiting stoicism, maybe, more than actual happiness. Or a gritty determination to meet the end with courage and nobility, perhaps.

Then again, could it be the grim acceptance of impending death? The misery of their fundamental impotence? The rage of the condemned?

Oh, but just look at us go on, with our anthropomorphism and our habit of making everything complicated. Let's just start over, shall we?

See the happy animals. They are happy. They will die happy. Good night, everyone!

9 comments:

Benji said...

See, this is the problem with all you ~vegetarians~. You anthropomorphise everything, treating these animals as if they're human.

There is no evidence to suggest that animals can feel pain, nor fear their own death. If that were the case, they'd cry in anguish as we brand them, or writhe on the floor, desperate to preserve their lives, when their throats are slit. Haha, nope, none of that!

Why not do the same to plants? After all, they can track the sun in the sky. That's clear evidence of higher brain function, isn't it? Surely evolution, which has resulted in countless complex, unconscious processes, cannot explain this!

Silly veg*ns.

Anonymous said...

Wow, I've been reading this blog a long time and this has to be one of the most outrageous things I've ever seen! Who associates "happy time" with a slaughterhouse?
And Benji--no evidence animals can feel pain or fear? Are you kidding? There is a ton of such evidence. And no, plants have no brains or nervous systems, and there is no evidence that they care for their offspring. Good god I am sick of the "But plants feel pain too" argument! No. It's not the same at all, and any intelligent person knows that.

John V. said...

I think Benji was being sarcastic...

Ben said...

I think you give Benji too much credit.

Benji said...

Could this be a special case of Poe's Law?

Ben said...

No, it's too much to hope for.

Becci said...

The fact that there's no evidence of this place actually existing--not that I can find, anyway--AND the fact that it's so over-the-top makes me think that it IS an example of Poe's Law. I think you've got another subversive vegan-type living in your area, Ben. :) I, for one, am pretty relieved.

Ben said...

Well, I have an address and phone number for them, but their website is no longer working.

happytimes said...

Happy Time Slaughterhouse! Hooray! Let's all have a good ol' happy time wading through knee-deep blood! Bring the whole family! Oh, hello, Mr. Dahmer...

Also: It looks as if the sheep in the picture is attempting to protect her baby from these "happy times"...