Frosty Morn Sausage

More sausagenanigans from the southlands. Our research has revealed that back in the 50s/60s/70s, Frosty Morn was a brand of sausage predominant in the South. (Yes, the brand is still sold.) Like the passionate pigs of Valleydale, the Frosty Morn pigs are super-duper capital-L LOYAL to their brand. You've heard of brand identity? Well, this brand gives them their identity. Without it, they'd be nothing. Nothing other than free creatures, that is, with all the joys and sorrows that freedom entails. Free to live without the fear, coercion, and torment so familiar to "food" animals. And who wants a life like that? Not animals loyal to their masters, and to the Church of Suicidefoodism above all!

Frosty Morn's strategy, the way they short-circuited the reasoning power of otherwise discerning consumers, was the judicious use of The Jingle. One commenter on a website dedicated to memories of old Birmingham, Alabama, recalled his associations with Frosty Morn and their infernal jingle this way:

"I don't know if anyone else remembers... the old Frosty Morn sausage TV commercials. They featured animated, singing piggies, which sounded exactly like The Chipmunks. I'm 55 now, but... that Frosty Morn jingle is, unfortunately, still burned into my brain.

Sing it over and over and over again!
Frosty Morn...
Sing it over and over and over again!
Frosty Morn...
The height of a piggy's ambition,
From the day he is born,
He hopes that he will be good enough
To be a Frosty Morn!
So, everybody join in
And sing it over and over and over again!"

It's all there: the relentless repetition underscoring the rightness of the pigs' desire to be eaten.

Another commenter provided information germane to the Frosty Mourn Morn image at the top of this page. (Suicidefoodist imagery often crosses the border into the realm of the surreal, but… three pigs hoisting one of their fellows in victory, all in the name of electing a brand… of… sausage to the, um, presidency? That's so weird it's positively Dada!)

Anyway! On to that second commenter!

“[O]ne of their commercials had a sign that said ‘Frosty Morn for President.’

The song for that one went

Our candidate has requested
We read this note he sent:
‘I'd rather be a Frosty Morn
Than be president.’”

(You have no choice but to accept that you live in a world that, evidently, produced a 78 rpm record—to buy?—with this jingle on it.)

Yes, there is no higher aspiration than to be transformed into meat. President? Does the president get to become sausage? No, sir, he does not. Temporary Food Animal, though... That's a worthwhile endeavor. It's a calling, the noblest cause.

"I pledge allegiance to the axe..."

You don't want to know the rest.







Addendum (9/19/11): The world has made this available.