Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Smoky Jon's #1 BBQ, Inc.

Rasta Joe couldn't remain at the top of the disgustatory heap for even four weeks! Smoky Jon, you are the current champion in the Ugly Appetite-Killer division. Jon achieved this dubious honor through a combination of slovenliness and world-darkening girth.

Behold the porcine colossus! He gorges himself on a mammoth slab of steaming, dripping pig ribs while his anus curses the entire Arctic region.

This suggests nothing so much as a world overrun, an Empire of Meat. The ruling party's fleshy flag: a greedy, sloppy pig that signals their ownership of the globe.

Strange that, for an enterprise laying claim to the whole of creation—"Best ribs in the universe!!" and "outta this world!"—they seem tied closely to Earth only. Indeed, the planet is the pig's beanbag chair (if not his toilet).

Another unappealing thing about Smoky Jon atop a condemned planet: it's reminiscent of this, the Sherwin Williams paint logo. Which calls to mind great waves of sticky excreta issuing from The Pig and, well, "covering the Earth" in glop. Just when you thought it couldn't get any more unpleasant.

Who's up for some ribs?


nichole said...

Yeah, but Smoky Jon's tastes so good.

Anonymous said...

Considering how negatively and how MUCH pig shit affects the environment, it seems appropriate that he's using the world as his toilet.

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