Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Deer Ride

Something is rotten in the aisles of America's down-market retailers. Something is stirring in the depths of man's depravity. There, beside the discontinued novelty garden hoses and the Fourth of July-themed paper plates on deep discount, something noxious is taking shape.

We have seen serious dysfunction in our travels, evidence of psyches in desperate need of healing. We have been sent examples of suicidefoodism's sick vision of a world beyond salvation. We have witnessed self-destructive livestock whose actions would negate all the wrongs done against them. Animals made party to their own torment and death. Twisted depictions of innocent creatures that pack the same nauseating emotional punch of prepubescent beauty queens done up as whores.

And now... this.

This appears to be a plaything fashioned in the form of triumphant hunters back from the woods, having bested a graceful herbivore known for taking flight. (Well done, fellas! We were worried about you out there!) Would you find such a toy in poor taste? Would you wonder who could want to give or receive such a gift? What if you were told this "toy" is worse—far worse—than it appears?

From the Gemmy Industries website:

This motion-activated deer lifts his head and sings “Low Rider” and “Sweet Home Alabama”! Watch the hunters BOBBLE their heads to the beat as the car BOUNCES and headlights FLASH!! A great gift for your favorite hunter, or anyone! Requires 4 AA batteries (included).

The dead deer sings. To the hunters who shot him. To death. For no reason. And now they're taking him home to eat or stuff and mount. Or whatever the hell they have in mind.

From the hood of their jeep, his bonds preventing his carcass from being "damaged," the stag croons from his afterlife, giving his assent to humanity's brutal, sneering dominion.

And America sinks another inch.

(Thanks to Dr. Papa Squirrel for the referral.)


Anonymous said...

Can't bear it..............what IS IT with the wretched human race? a good five nooses worth there, right.

Anonymous said...

A great gift for your favorite hunter, or anyone!

...without a soul!

Anonymous said...

Great site!

Take a look at this one:


It's in French, it reads:
"What a pleasure!! We're going to [the butcher]"

Anonymous said...

just last week i saw a child's toy in Babies 'R' Us no less, that featured a livestock transport truck complete with a smiling pig and cow. I mean, what else could one play with this? pretend they're going to the mall? no. you play 'slaughter'.

Ben said...

I would love to see that. Any chance you remember the name of the product or the company that made it?

Anonymous said...

Just found this and must say, you all seem like a bunch of pussies to me. Get a friggin life you losers'.

Anonymous said...

I had a whole truck of little farm animals when I was younger. I never played games where they were going to slaughter, I played games where they were superheroes flying around the dining room table. Occasionally one would crash land, but die by slaughter? No.