Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Uncle Sam's Barbecue

Happy birthday, America, you great big meat-eating country, you!

What finer icon for such a greedy, gluttonous land than this chubby, pink fellow! Natty in his vest and tie—not to mention his Southern Colonel beard—he is dapper, yet full of fellow feeling for his countrymen!

And service! The pig is all about service. Sacrifice for your brothers, the sanctity of duty. He's a recruitment poster come to life. And what of this recruitment? "I Want You." Whom does he recruit? How should we complete the elliptical slogan "I Want You"? He wants whom, for what purpose? To what end? And for what campaign?

To whom should we direct our allegiance? Just tell us "jump," and we're in the air. You have only to say the word!

The answer is simple and stark. He urges his fellow pigs, encouraging them to add their lives to the sacrificed millions. Join the ranks of the devoured! Grill fodder is a noble occupation! To the spits, lads!

And! And! He addresses us too. For we have our own heroic part to play in the American drama: Uncle Pig needs us to line up and eat! Eat! Lest the sacrifice of those innumerable, courageous pigs be in vain.

(Thanks to Dr. Mrs. Suicidefood for the referral.)