Are you an all-star? Would you want to be? Do you know what happens to BBQ all-stars?
Apparently, they get stuff rubbed all over their flesh before being flung onto the grill!
Still interested in trying out for the team? You'll have to train and train hard! Get to know the original blend line-up:
Chicken! (Hanging in.)
Pig! (Delighted to be coated and cooked.)
Fish! (Asphyxiating. Finally.)
Assorted unidentifiable, nonmeat objects! (Huh? Who let them in here?)
Arrayed around the altar, the all-stars joyfully (or, in the case of the cow, solemnly) contemplate their crummy fate. The clockticks come like heartbeats, slower and slower still. Time drags when you're waiting to be covered in spicy powders and made into a foodstuff.
At the whistle, they'll hurl themselves onto the coals to do what they do best: brown and become tender. All for you. All for the fans.