Tuesday, May 3, 2011

United Steaks of America

Take that, you countries that aren't America!

The U.S. is so kick-ass, so totally awesome, that even its food is proud! Honored to be raised in stinking pens—treated like meat cogs in a machine manufactured to chew them up and spit them out as stuff to buy and eat—the steers and pigs and chickens cheer on the home team. No divided loyalties for them. No conflicted feelings. Being American food is never having to doubt.

And these animals have some weight to throw around, make no mistake. Look at those biceps on the walking collection of American steaks. Check out the determined, clenched jaw. Dude could take a mother out. But like other tamed Goliaths, he wouldn't dream of upsetting the status quo. No sir, he's a good American "food" animal, and he knows his duty: To die and be eaten for the greater glory of the U.S.A.!

Addendum: U.S.A.! U.S.A.!

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