Saturday, January 6, 2007

Fat Crabs Rib Company

Behold nature’s worst mistake: the Fat Crabs porcrab! This benighted freak is only too happy to end it all by way of The Boil. He is a reject from creation’s plan, after all. Half-mammal, half-crustacean. It’s a marvel he’s as well-adjusted as he is. The thought of sweet release from his earthly bonds gives him comfort. What bliss he feels—oh, that satisfied smile!—as he imagines an end to the doubts, the taunts, the pain. We are only extending the hand of goodwill when we allow him his final wish, to die with “dignity.”

Still, the hard-hearted wonder: What the hell is this? Fat Crabs calls itself a “rib company,” so what’s with the crab? Their promotional video (?) touts the dubious pleasures of their supposedly famous, everything-but-the-kitchen-sink “steamer pot,” so what’s with the pig? These stills from the Fat Crabs video suggest an answer:

It can only be that, like pigs, the crabby Fat Crabs clientele enjoy eating garbage.


Anonymous said...

Dear Ben,

I have recently been to this take-out/restaurant and it is now under new ownership. They have changed the name to Fat Crabs Seafood & Barbecue (that explains the logo). The food was delicious, and when it opens again in March, I will be back! (Don't deny it 'till you try it!!)

Anonymous said...

We recently spent a week on the Outer Banks and of all the high priced "quality" places we dined we liked Fat Crabs better than any of the others. The BBQ was absolutely one of the best I've ever eaten. The owners were friendly and appreciative of our patronage. And we were there at closing time but they still made us welcome and did not try to rush us out the door. We will be back on our next trip.