Friday, August 5, 2011

NRV

We are proud to present the winner of Suicide Food's first-ever George Orwell Award for Excellence in Distorting Language and Generally Making Us Feel Like We Need to Sit Down in a Quiet Room (the "Georgie" for short).

Do the fine folks of NRV take care of calves naturally by providing a safe and enriching environment for calves and their mothers to bond and grow? Yes, of course! Which is to say, no, of course not.

In "naturally" taking care of calves, NRV has made it their business to manufacture "replacement" milk for them. That is, a substitute for the mother's milk the calves would naturally drink.

And why? Because the milk produced by their mothers is already spoken for. The calves have only a natural—not a spiritual/economic—claim on it. The milk already belongs to those who manufactured the calves' mothers.

This stuff is evaluated on the basis of everything you might expect—fat and protein content, and even taste, but also on the basis of so much more. For instance, at NRV's own lab, they can analyze the "meat color status" of the calves! (Take that, your mind!) This must be the detail that has their mascot smiling.

Naturally.

2 comments:

stantoro said...

"Meat color status." My mind is clutching its head in its hands. Also, maybe they mean "take care of" in the mob sense. Oh, the calves? Don't worry - we took care of them.

Desdemona said...

What Robert said. Oy.