Thursday, August 11, 2011


One of the inspiring things about the study of suicidefoodism is its reach. No matter which twig of the tree of life you study, no matter what rock you turn over, you can find something happy about being eaten. And not only that, but you can find creatures happy about dying and being killed. Lobsters longing for the Big Boil. Pigs enamored of knives. Chickens prepared to angle their necks just... so.

And while alligators are not entirely unknown around these parts, they are still curiously rare. Perhaps their primitive reptilian brains have a harder time imagining the glories of death and dismemberment. Maybe they lack the brainpower to understand the many benefits of dying for no good reason.

Could be, but this healthy specimen from Gatorama (if you can call him "healthy" while he's in his death throes) sure seems to get it. The cauldron bubbles, and the gator's tough hide cooks. (That hide, of course, is suitable for wallets, belts, and key fobs, all of which they sell down there at Gatorama.) And he gives a generous wave good-bye as he dies so that he might—at last!—be turned into economical portions of alligator ribs and tail meat.

(Thanks to Dr. Kevin for the referral.)


kbart10384 said...

Love the post!

Beve said...

Why discriminate against things without a face? I was watching my mother rip turnip greens off by their legs and I could feel their screams. It was brutal. Perhaps sensing their unbearable pain on some subconscious level, she moved on to the black eyed peas. Using a thumbnail to rip their tender little bellies open. It was horrific to watch the little peas fly thither and yon, separated from their pod buddies as they headed for a steaming pot of water. Next came the carrots. She grabbed them by their hair! I almost fainted. She ripped them right out of the ground into bright sunlight. I could feel their terror as they saw this cruel world for the first time in the harsh light of day. I'll spare you the gruesome shredding ritual. Your discrimination against the suffering of the faceless is wholly hypocritical, and I would appreciate it if you would rethink your position and stop eating altogether. This world would be a better place.