Teat Tweet: a "what the hell?" dairy digression

We've presented "what the hell?" digressions before (for instance, this mind-bender) and dairy digressions (such as this curdled superhero fantasy), but never before have we embarked on a "what the hell?" dairy digression.

History prints itself on the page!

And now to business:

Have you ever wondered what would result from the combination of cutting-edge dairy farm techniques and today's social networking media? Of course you haven't. The whole enterprise is a ridiculous admixture of exploitation and boondoggle.

Or, as the Teat Tweet Dairy Diary puts it, "For one year, twelve cows on a dairy farm Twitter about their lactation cycle and robotic milking activities."

Though the silent cries of Why, oh why? deafen us, still we press on.

Thanks to this most unnecessary of experiments, empty-souled computer users can follow the gladly giving cows and despondently go along with the conceit that they are tweeting the details of their daily lives. The cows include Freeride Speedy ("12.8 kg of frothy deliciousness for the humans"), Frosty Lace ("That robot still won't let me in there. What is it thinking? I'll explode!"), and Montgomery Mae ("Gave 13.1 kgs and got my 120 g of daily food to keep me producing well").

The "researchers" have their high and mighty ideas about what this is meant to accomplish—something about our relationship with the agrindustrial complex—but all we see it do is pump out the time-worn idea that cows are only too happy to be continually impregnated and hooked up to milking machines. And here they are, sharing their every deed and mood like chatty college students, content to shine in the spotlight, taking a chintzy "fame" as their due.

(Thanks to Dr. Becci for the referral.)