Fish Tickle

O, triumphant euphemism!

We would have assumed this kind of doublethink could be found only in Orwell's Oceania. You see it, yes? The spit-in-your-eye up-is-downism? To wit:

We don't hook and asphyxiate the fish; we tickle the fish.

We don't cook and consume the fish; the fish is the consumer.

In the business—please don't ask which business—this would be referred to as a masterstroke of crypto-deception.

Fish Tickle, though the cheery graphic masks this fact, is not a fish-feeding system (red and white checkered napkin notwithstanding). No, it is a fish-luring system. (Pardon us: a "fish attractant scent system.") It involves a plastic gizmo and smelly scent tablets and people patting themselves on the back for outsmarting a bunch of fish. The Fish Tickle people (the fish ticklers!) are more than happy to discuss the "science behind the fun" of their patent-pending whatsis, something something, research, something something, efficient.

But just so we all remember and celebrate this for its suicidefoodist impulses, here's how the fish ticklers put it:

"So alluring to fish, it makes getting caught seem worth it."

(Thanks to Dr. Mrs. Suicidefood for the referral.)