Thursday, November 15, 2007

The Drinking Pig Company Ltd

Skewered Pig in the Barbecue? We need to talk. We don't mean to judge. We care about you, and it's been clear to us for a while now that you have a problem. Yes, it's your drinking.

  • Your drinking has become a social crutch.

  • Just look at yourself. The life of the party, that's you. But don't you see how everyone is backing away from you? They're frightened. Of you, Skewered Pig in the Barbecue. Of what you've become. Of what you're capable of.

  • Your drinking leads to inappropriate behavior.

  • You are in a barbecue. With a spit running through the length of your body, for crying out loud! You have allowed the Drinking Pig Company Ltd to pierce you—anus to (we suppose) back?—with a metal rod! You're right, you're right. We shouldn't get angry. But we are angry. Not at you, Skewered Pig in the Barbecue, but at this situation.

  • You are unable to curtail your drinking.

  • Even while you fry in the flames, your skin crisping and your organs bursting, you hold your drink high, away from the heat. Alcohol has become more important to you than your health!

  • You use alcohol to self-medicate.

  • We can see it. You are in pain. (No, Skewered Pig in the Barbecue, we're not referring to the pain of your third-degree burns. Come on. This is serious.) We understand. We really do. Your depression is like a blanket smothering you. Some days, it's hard to get out of bed, isn't it? But this isn't the way. You have too much to live for. Between the barbecue, the spit, and the suicidal ideation, we're afraid you're in real trouble.

    Please, Skewered Pig in the Barbecue, get help. Before it's too late. That is, in the next 30 seconds or so.

    6 comments:

    Alan said...

    This is truly awful and worthy of the five-noose rating. I must admit that the graphic design involved in this logo was top-notch, which probably only makes it that much more in bad taste.

    Lisa J. said...

    At least the pig is showing some remorse about his drinking with the few beads of sweat running down his cheek. I'd be worried too that my friends might make me quit in my hour of most desperate need!

    Francois Tremblay said...

    OH MY GOD. That image is so laughable! They tried to make it cute, including a cute firepit, but it's so horrid! What were they thinking?!

    jay said...

    I find his eyes to be most disturbing... well, ok, maybe the spit is pretty awful... but the eyes, they look so... crazed. They captured that final desperate moment of insanity so well.

    AV said...

    It's all so clear now...
    The pig is the *lesson* for knowing when you've 'gone too far' with your drinking.

    When you drink (and to excess) body temperature rises, beads of sweat break out on your forehead.

    You may find yourself *roasting* in bad situations 'hot water' (or in this case - the fire pit)
    Smiling like an idiot all the while because in your drunken state you don't even comprehend your actions, or their consequences.

    Worst of all is when you find yourself impaled on something you'd rather not have been impaled upon.

    It's all so tragic. Who has not himself/herself been the pig.
    Ayyyyyy

    rita said...

    Unbearable...........unspeakable