Monday, December 10, 2007

McDonald's in China

Just when you thought nothing could be more soul-deadening than good old, American-as-apple-pie McDonald's, along comes the ubiquitous burger-pusher's Chinese cousin. And our already-dead souls molder and crumble. We find ourselves, against all sense, longing for the commodified, the prepackaged, the sterile sameness we know so well. If this is the alternative to artificial uniformity, we'll take artificial uniformity, thank you all the same.

This glossy image of an aerobicizing cow, glancing our way invitingly, with brazen sexuality, should be enough to discourage anyone from eating at the aforementioned establishment. Alas, we live in a world less rational. (A chicken-and-egg riddle to ponder: Which came first, images like this one, or the minds that respond to such images as intended? Either answer is unimaginable.)

According to a commenter at the site where this picture was disinterred, the Chinese reads "Enticing beef makes you more seductive."

Give that a chance to settle.

We've discussed the ancient, unfathomable Cult of the Bull before, but now we must do it again. According to this atavistic philosophy—an unpalatable brew of superstition and numbskullery—eating a bull confers upon you the properties of a bull. Only this can explain why beef-eating remains so popular.

Unfortunately for us, the advertising agency that concocted the fit and sexy cow also coughed up these images.

Again, our commenter provides the translations:

"Vigorous beef makes you more vigorous" for the pro-youth culture cow. And "Strong beef makes you stronger" for the iron pumper.

Funny, isn't it, to see the same anthropomorphism that dedicated carnivores so sneeringly decry when it surfaces in the arguments of staunch plant-eaters. "But you are ascribing human sentiments to animals," they huff. "Please! Be rational!" In these images, we see cows posed and clothed as humans, and their similarity to us is now offered as an argument in favor of our eating them.

We can but shake our heads and hope that tomorrow will be kinder.

(Thanks to Dr. Mrs. Suicidefood for the referral.)


bazu said...

You've... got to be kidding? Seriously?

Lisa S. said...

But a bull pumping iron looks soooo delicious.....[/ericcartman]

Anonymous said...

The Chinese are just fucked up. What the hell kind of appeal do they get out of this? They deserve to have little penises.

frank adam said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
frank adam said...

China's pop-culture is messed up. They should stick to making those hot teen gymnasts. Yum. Am I pushing facetiousness to the limit? I might be. I think I deserve another meat free beer! I'm not really into teens...unless we are talking about Blue Lagoon era Brooke Shields...I have a Princeton degree for my pants.

Red said...

This one kind of crosses the line into laugh-out-loud stupid. If the animal in the topmost picture is a bull...then why is he wearing (drumroll please) a sports bra?! :P