Oh! Had we but known! Had we but received a glimpse of the gustatory ecstasies that could have been ours! We would have laid down our life's path among different lands. When this mood strikes us, we can't help looking on with longing at what might have been. And so, salivating, we put together lists like this one, our love letters to a limitless world of pleasures now closed to us.
As always, the food depicted here was prepared by professionals. Hard as that might be to believe.
(Our most recent installment.)
They call this one the Mousetrap Special.
Ribs have never tempted so cunningly. See the meat there, shed from its confining bones, freed from its bodily prison. Liberated! How it frolics!
When you process dead animals thoroughly—and we mean thoroughly—you are left with something that can only be called, um… substance. This can of textureless stuff, this tin of anonymous material—this meat, this "food"—represents the endpoint on life's dreariest journey.
Now this has got to be the most effective quit-smoking campaign we've seen in a long time!
Excuse us a minute.
(You say that's not a smoker's tarry lung arranged for some reason on a platter amid garnishes of tomato and zucchini slices? It's what? Good god—it's meat?! No, of course. No, we just thought… Well, just look at it. Yes, yes. We will. Of course.)
Well, apparently this is delicious, delicious meat. Just a big thing of wholesome meat.