Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Manitoba Turkey Producers

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Oh, and turkeys? You birds are about to have the rockin'est day of your lives!

And you thought your best times were behind you! Seems foolish now, doesn't it, the way you clung to the tatters of your youth? The guitar pose that seems natural on a bird half your age only serves to make you look older than you are.

But now—how funny, how sweet, how dear life can be—you've been handed a second chance. You can matter in a whole new way. Not by rocking out, no, nor by chasing the empty promise of fame. But by being eulogized by schoolchildren and then eaten.

Can you see what one lucky colorer can win? A kid-friendly turkey lunch for his or her whole class! A visit from [illegible] the turkey to delight the entire school!







Addendum: Junable James? Is that the Turkey of Honor's name? It's so hard to make out. Turntable Terror? Supply your guesses in the comments.

Addendum 2: And what is it with the aging rockers peddling their own meat? Anything to stay relevant, we suppose.

12 comments:

John V. said...

The first word is definitely "lovable". The second appears to be "Tomas". So he is "lovable Tomas the Turkey". It's a bit disturbing that they are describing what I assume to be a guy in a turkey mascot outfit as "lovable" while also encouraging kids to eat the genuine article with no love, merely greed in their cold prepubescent hearts. Although they're not being told they'll enjoy the turkey dinner, just win it. The enjoyment is to be reserved for the visit from lovable Tomas.

stantoro said...

It is Tomas, who appears to be the Manitoba Turkey Producers happy little mascot. He's called Tomas because "Turkey Only Makes Alotta Sense." Check out the website, where you can see a human-size furry pretending to be Tomas and rocking out, take a fun turkey-facts quiz, and see some more kid-related suicide food.
http://www.turkey.mb.ca/kids.html
Happy Thanksgiving, Tomas!!!

Ben said...

No, it is surely Terrible Torres.

stantoro said...

He was lovable, but now he's terrible, cuz he's dead. Poor Tomas/Torres. At any rate, it appears that the turkey folks in Manitoba are doing good.

Ben said...

It's suddenly clear: Jodhpur Jones!

stantoro said...

OK. Believe in Jodhpur Jones if you must. But don't imagine that Tomas is confined to the province of Manitoba. He and his band tour the west coast regularly, and he could be coming to *your* town soon. I'd keep your head down if I were you.

John V. said...

I don't believe in Jodhpur Jones. I think he's a myth, probably created to make people feel better about eating dead turkey.

Ben said...

Jodhpur Jones makes us feel better about everything. So much better, in fact, that we have to go lie down with a damp washcloth over our eyes.

John V. said...

Hmm, I just noticed the vague similarity between the names Jodhpur Jones and Jammin Joes [sic] - the other "aging rocker" you link to.

Ben said...

All the pieces fit! Everything makes "sense."

Frogulous said...

To Ben and all readers (who choose to celebrate it)--
Have a great thanksgiving, and enjoy those tufurkys. May you all keep pointing out the absurd images used to sell meat to us flesh eaters, and never give up your beliefs. Who knows, you might gain a few converts here.

Best wishes to all.

Ben said...

Thanks, Froggy.