Now this is how you ring in the new year! You load up one of the Campbell's Soup kids with a tray of champagne, jam a knife and fork in the pig's back, and start celebrating!
We won't begrudge anyone their New Year's bubbly, but we do question the propriety of the stuck pig. Stabbed, he trots gaily from the kitchen, his wounds nothing more than handy slots for the silverware.
The celebrants would, in spite of their inebriation, be horrified if not for the pig's sunny disposition. Seeing that terrible grin, they clink glasses and wait for the big moment.
The ball drops—5! 4! 3! 2! 1!—and, right on cue, the pig drops dead, a smile on his face. (Did you see him? He was the star of the show!) Out with the old, in with the new, and all that. Plenty more demented pigs where he came from.