Prairie Oak Smokers

The drive to kill and be killed has never before reached such unquenchable heights! Any old fan of dead animals can purchase their carcasses pre-killed and plop them on the grill.

But it takes an artiste to transform the desire for barbecue into a masterpiece of diabolical hatred!

Here, they are lashed to a tree (the eponymous prairie oak, one supposes), there to be burned alive! And if the fire should spread and the entire grove be sacrificed, homes endangered, rescuers imperiled, so be it! For these animals will die!

Yes, yes, they could be killed and cooked by more conventional means, but where is the glory in that? Where is the suffering piled on suffering? Where is the lesson for the impertinent animals?

And what of the animals? What is their perspective?

Oh, the usual: Chicken is petrified, Cow grimaces an ingratiating grin, but Pig! Pig looks pleased! Bound to a tree, to die a protracted death of asphyxiation rather than burning… Pig is in his element! This is the death he's been living for! This is his turn in the spotlight and he is ready.

(May we take a moment now for some art criticism? The ropes binding our lucky trio appear to be made from a super-elastic, form-fitting, extra-cling material. See how it conforms to their every bump and lump? Or maybe an angry god has simply knitted them into one giant, tree-encompassing sweater?)