Saturday, July 19, 2008

The BBQ-tioners

The power of carnivory to warp reality has never been more clearly demonstrated. Our last post showed us animals willing to fight for their chance at death's tangy, sweet embrace.

Here we have a pig who has turned his psycopathy into a lucrative career. He kills not for sport, but for a paycheck. And, surely, emotional satisfaction of a magnificently insane nature.

Hooded, empty-eyed, he drools at the prospect of bringing the hatchet down on the necks of the innocent. With every chop, his cruelty is stoked. Hotter and hotter it burns! Nothing can extinguish it! Not conscience! Not reason! Nor love?

Love! Even as the word lingers on his lips, it offends, a horrid thing, hateful for its smallness. It is a sop for weaklings! The pig answers to a higher calling, the very highest! Survival of the fittest. Kill or be killed. He is that callous creed's apotheosis!

And being such a trusted servant of the crooked state, he must know that his time in the pit will come. Soon enough, his will be the hatcheted neck. This brings him nothing but peace. The hope that his turn is coming brings him the only happiness he knows.

May we assume that we are now scraping the bottom of the meat mascot barrel? We have seen demons, sluts, and a certain god-awful monstrosity. But this paid killer, this merciless mercenary who would no doubt do his job for free, could be the worst.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Holy Shit. So, I'm writing this here because I'm not sure where else to do so...(I'm internet-stupid) But, I've been reading Suicide Food for a few months, (linked from some vegan-recipe blog) and it has decidedly been my favorite website to read ever since. Little did I know, I could have been reading multiple other blogs full of your brilliant writing! Oh man. So, I'm commenting to express my sincere appreciation of your almost-shockingly unique point of view, and for your ridiculously impressive use of language.

This seems to be the only blog currently updated, and I don't know what to say other than that I hope that you don't ever stop writing, and I don't mean for my own enjoyment's sake.

Anonymous said...

It's a shame this is a meat ad. That pig's pretty bad ass. He'd look good on a T-shirt, a tattoo, or as the logo of a vegan metal band.

Ben said...

Dear Anonymous (the first):
It should go without saying that you are our favorite commenter and visitor.

Thank you for your kind words. They mean a lot to us.

Anonymous said...

Thank YOU.

'Funny how I didn't get to that in my other comment... 'cause that's what I wanted to say in the first place.