Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Prairie Oak Smokers

The drive to kill and be killed has never before reached such unquenchable heights! Any old fan of dead animals can purchase their carcasses pre-killed and plop them on the grill.

But it takes an artiste to transform the desire for barbecue into a masterpiece of diabolical hatred!

Here, they are lashed to a tree (the eponymous prairie oak, one supposes), there to be burned alive! And if the fire should spread and the entire grove be sacrificed, homes endangered, rescuers imperiled, so be it! For these animals will die!

Yes, yes, they could be killed and cooked by more conventional means, but where is the glory in that? Where is the suffering piled on suffering? Where is the lesson for the impertinent animals?

And what of the animals? What is their perspective?

Oh, the usual: Chicken is petrified, Cow grimaces an ingratiating grin, but Pig! Pig looks pleased! Bound to a tree, to die a protracted death of asphyxiation rather than burning… Pig is in his element! This is the death he's been living for! This is his turn in the spotlight and he is ready.

(May we take a moment now for some art criticism? The ropes binding our lucky trio appear to be made from a super-elastic, form-fitting, extra-cling material. See how it conforms to their every bump and lump? Or maybe an angry god has simply knitted them into one giant, tree-encompassing sweater?)


7 comments:

Anonymous said...

What poor animal did not make the cut, lashed to the back of the tree?

Alex said...

Why are pigs assumed to be so excited about the possibility of their own suffering and death? This appears to be a reoccurring theme, and I don't understand it: Why are pigs so prone to suicide?

Anonymous said...

Probably a rabbit or a lamb, anon#1. Maybe a turkey, but that would be too much poultry.

pigglywiggly said...

Joan of Arc, eat your heart out.

Anonymous said...

What a complete waste of time...

Ben said...

Hear hear! You are excused from further commenting!

Lisa J. said...

The pigs in these postings always scare me with their enthusiasm. I agree, there's probably a lamb around the other side, but he probably wasn't smiling so he didn't make the cut. :p