Moo & Oink

No meat-based establishment has been brought to our attention more often than retail/wholesale meat giant Moo & Oink. (Their online store offers ready-to-eat chitterlings by the tub and Moo Doggy Beef Dinner Franks, so you know this is the Big Time.)

Apparently, Moo and Oink—the eponymous livestock employed by the chain—have enchanted viewers and eaters for years. (We don't understand it either.)


One secret of their success is undoubtedly the "catchy" "jingle" that figures so prominently in the advertisements. At the risk of starting a nasty rumor, the jingle just might be the final utterance of Moo and Oink as they are delivered to the Promised Land. The tune is not, well, melodious. Or pleasant. Or listenable. Are we hearing the last words of suffering creatures—the sum of the wisdom they impart to their survivors?

The chain has also bewitched audiences with slick commercial productions. One of them has been particularly popular. Although it is against our policy (or would be, if we had any policies) to provide a link to the commercial in question, here it is.

This blockbuster has it all: drama, glamor, and heart. (And chitlins, too.) But mostly this is a movie with a message. And that message is "Death isn't an end. It's only the beginning."

And the soundtrack! The highlight of the song is this poignant stanza:

Tommy likes ribs and chicken wings!
If you like it too, let me hear you scream!
(Moo and Oink!)
Wave for catfish!
(Moo and Oink!)
Scream for ribs!

Scream is right.

Apart from the lyrics and choreography, the most memorable element of the spectacle would have to be the scene of a Moo & Oink worker shoveling unidentifiable meat chunks into a big plastic bag like he's bailing out a sinking ship. The impression given is one of meat inundation—they just have to get the stuff out of there, and now! They are foundering in meat!

(Thanks to the Cast of Thousands for the referral.)

If you have trouble seeing the featured Moo & Oink movie: no thanks necessary.