Only someone who spends his days and nights poring over barbecue logos and butchers' blandishments could find this a refreshing change. For we are at least not reviewing another tired advertisement meant for the general public, to prompt and induce the gobblement of pigs and cows! No, this is something new. And it has the whiff of mystery about it, exposing as it does the seldom-seen workings of the livestock industry.
This flooring-for-animals, this TenderNova, is, as advertised, multi-purpose. Its multiple purposes? "Farrowing, nursery, and finishing." In other words, this is a cradle-to-grave product. (Talk about brand loyalty!) Finishing, in case you're not familiar with the term, is just what it sounds like: finishing up the lives of livestock so that they may be finished off.
In a display of stunning doublethink, our anthropomorphic gentleman-pig touts the benefits of "the animal-friendly floor." (The product also features "excellent cleanability.") His endorsement is so winning that we might almost forget to feel disgust. (Almost.) For he is just like you: cheerful, enterprising, and—naturally—benevolent.
He epitomizes the American spirit!
(Thanks to Dr. Mrs. Suicidefood for the referral.)
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