Saturday, January 6, 2007
Behold nature’s worst mistake: the Fat Crabs porcrab! This benighted freak is only too happy to end it all by way of The Boil. He is a reject from creation’s plan, after all. Half-mammal, half-crustacean. It’s a marvel he’s as well-adjusted as he is. The thought of sweet release from his earthly bonds gives him comfort. What bliss he feels—oh, that satisfied smile!—as he imagines an end to the doubts, the taunts, the pain. We are only extending the hand of goodwill when we allow him his final wish, to die with “dignity.”
Still, the hard-hearted wonder: What the hell is this? Fat Crabs calls itself a “rib company,” so what’s with the crab? Their promotional video (?) touts the dubious pleasures of their supposedly famous, everything-but-the-kitchen-sink “steamer pot,” so what’s with the pig? These stills from the Fat Crabs video suggest an answer:
It can only be that, like pigs, the crabby Fat Crabs clientele enjoy eating garbage.