Monday, August 16, 2010

Sipahh: a dairy digression

By now you understand that nothing in Suicidefoodland makes the slightest bit of sense. Well, prepare to climb a stairway to senselessness.

The subject of our latest dairy digression (see the most recent one, too) is edible straws from Australia. This is merely the landing at the foot of the staircase.

The first stair: A cow advertises the product, presumably to make her immeasurable sacrifice meaningful. The babies she never nursed and raised fade into the blessed circle of the neverwere as she imagines children slurping up the milk intended for instantly irrelevant offspring.

The second stair: The cow, who gives milk, is male.

The third stair: Named Mort.

The fourth stair: With an udder. A big ol', flappy ol' udder proudly displayed and waggled at every opportunity.

The fifth stair, from Mort's unnecessary backstory:
Before we fell asleep, Mort said, "goot your grimbles." "What does that mean?" "I don't know," he said, "that's the point, not everything has to make sense...."
With this explicit acknowledgement that we have strayed into a realm without reason, our journey is almost complete.

The last stair: And now we have reached the top. Mort reenacts the infamous gross-out Goatse internet meme.

Pluck! You won't be needing your brain way up here.

(Thanks to Dr. Kitteh for the referral.)


Becci said...

Ew, wtf??!

Anonymous said...

What do you mean the cow is male? Do you mean she has horns? There are many female animals with horns - cattle, sheep, goats. Please get your info correct.

Ben said...

Hello, Anonymous.

Let's retrace our steps:

The cow's name is Mort.

The pronoun used by the Sipahh organization with reference to Mort is "he."

From these clues, we deduced that the cow is male.