1 cowbell-type bell, copper or bronze (no tin), collar to be made of leather, preferably from carcass of COW's children or other family members;
All meat market employees will address COW as "Hey, You" or "Beef Face";
In the event that live transport is required, any and all trucks must be filthy and unventilated;
In keeping with COW's status as a beloved celebrity, only high quality knives, cleavers, chains, and buckets may be used in the slaughter and dismemberment of COW. (Equipment need not be cleaned prior to use.)
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What is Suicide Food? Suicide Food is any depiction of animals that act as though they wish to be consumed. Suicide Food actively participates in or celebrates its own demise. Suicide Food identifies with the oppressor. Suicide Food is a bellwether of our decadent society. Suicide Food says, “Hey! Come on! Eating meat is without any ethical ramifications! See, Mr. Greenjeans? The animals aren’t complaining! So what's your problem?” Suicide Food is not funny.
1 noose = Mildly troubling 2 nooses = Appalling 3 nooses = Perverse 4 nooses = Deeply disturbed and disturbing 5 nooses = Ye gods! I must go wash out my eyeballs!