Sunday, April 29, 2007

Hotdog Man

This offers no fresh philosophical issues to explore. Its principal offense is aesthetic. And offend it does. Oh, lord, how it offends.

The legs and sneakers offend. There’s something about this everyman detail that makes for an uncomfortable linkage: Hotdog Man is me.

The intense concentration as ketchup is applied to the crown of his wiener offends. He is so particular about this detail, as though he’s role-playing as a 13-year-old preparing for her first boy-girl party.

And, yes, we cannot avoid it any longer: The hideous, distended bulk of his meat offends, the way it brushes the pavement like a sick and colossal phallus. Priapus come to life in all his engorged menace.

The enormous, bloated hotdog comes with a silver lining: It just might be the most effective stop-eating-meat message ever devised. Can even the most avid dead animal consumer see this horrible thing and think, “A hotdog would really hit the spot right about now”?

Surely, Hotdog Man turns people off everywhere he goes.

(Thanks to Dr. Patrick for the referral.)

7 comments:

MS said...

This is truly revolting. Hot dogs already look like dongs - what is the point of emphasizing that connection? Some kind of castration fantasy involved in the act of biting it?

Is that an American flag it's wearing??

I am scared.

SamFromUtah said...

UUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuurrrgghh.

Anonymous said...

Yes, that's an American flag -- at least it has been on the Hot Dog Men that I've seen in Holland.

Anonymous said...

A hot dog *would* really hit the spot right now! I want mayo on the head, not catsup, tho.

Andrew said...

I've seen these all over the place. The first one I saw was in Mitchell, SD, across from the Corn Palace

KCinDC said...

Apparently it can also be a Polish sausage.

RobNoxious said...

I could totally go for a Hot Dog right now. Hooray Hot Dog Man! You have done your Job Well!

Make mine with Mustard, no Ketchup, and Kraut, lots of Kraut...some onions, too!

MMMmmmmmmm....

Your Blog always makes me hungry! The Secret Ingredient is Offended Vegan Sensibilities!

Oh, and Flesh.