Wednesday, February 17, 2010


We have too long neglected this living relic, but now he gets his due.

For 88 years, our inscrutable despot has ruled over a strange and sickly kingdom. Yocco glares at lesser men and meals, beaming out his hatred in waves as emphatic as exclamation points.

He cares not for your society. He cares not for your laws. Nor your morals. Nor the way things are meant to be. To him, all of these are contemptible and small.

On his splintered throne, he tells the tale of his murderous kingdom to a rapt and bunned audience. His frankfurter people know well the king's obsessions. With boots stolen off the feet of some elfin corpse, and a forklike scepter bearing a baby wiener claimed by divine right, Yocco spins a web of self-aggrandizement. Yocco is powerful. Yocco will see them all burn. Yocco is strengthened by their deaths.

One day, Yocco will be eaten by God!

(Thanks to Drs. Sam, Patti, and Ian for their long-ago referrals.)


Anonymous said...

I tremble to contemplate the secret manufacture of Yocco's Sauce. I am almost certain that we don't really want to know.

Toby Schnauzer,

Dave said...

It's a little-known fact that Yocco's was started by Lee Iacocca's dad, and the name is based on how many people mispronounced their last name. I'm not sure who owns it now.

Anonymous said...

Wow! That is a funny post!

Anonymous said...

Lee Iacocca's dad, Nicholas, did not start Yocco's. It was started by Nick's brother Theodore in 1922. The local chain of 6 stores is owned and operated by Theodore's grandson Gary Iacocca.