Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Pat's In Your Face B.B.Q.

Haven't we been telling you? Haven't we been sounding the alarm for years? These animals—chiefly pigs—suffer from some serious psychological issues. They need help.

Wanting to be eaten is so common as to go unnoticed by the public at large—not by us!—but we might now be seeing a brand-new syndrome:

Pat's pig demsonstrates the following symptoms: trenchcoat exhibitionism, poor impulse control, and suicidal ideation. And sunglasses. (We suggest a designation of 302.45 in the DSM-V.)

It would be bad enough for him to struggle with these silently. But, Pat's pig, we do not want that in our face. Thank god for sparsely patterned novelty boxer shorts!

This is pure paraphilic aggression. Pat's pig can't help it. He will make you notice him. Oh yes, you will see him. And—oh, how he hopes!—you will love him right back.

And then you will eat him.

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