Agura Bokujo Farm and Online Beef

In Japan, land of technological marvels, anything is possible. Miniaturization, automation, vicious game shows, and now the first major innovation in dead cow purchasing in years!

Gone are the days when consumers had to leave their homes in search of cow parts. To market, to market, you unlucky men and women, there to wait in line with your unwashed brothers. Navigating those carts, fumbling for wallets, gathering up change, all the while having your meat selections—the very privatest of private matters—scrutinized by shopkeeper, butcher, and cashier alike.

But no more!

For now, thanks to the Agura Bokujo Farm, beef can be purchased online. If that’s all there were, the parades would be short indeed.

Here’s where we come in: The cows, natural proponents of the old system (to be fair, it was the only system they knew of that could insure their reliable processing, purchase, and consumption), have given the enterprise their blessing.

And, really, why wouldn’t they? Buying cow meat on the computer can only increase demand and efficiency. Which is every cow’s treasured hope. The graphic to the right is an Agura Bokujo illustration of their total calf-to-product-you-can-buy-online system!

And to drive the point home with the meat-buying public, AB has prepared a charming (and accurate!) video.

Set to a delightfully off-beat a cappella jingle, the commercial shows us all the true meaning of suicidal cows learning about online beef purchasing.

First, we see two cows peering into a house. "Where is everyone?" they wonder. "Why are we not—as is normal—encountering droves of people offering money to buy our flesh?"

Next, the two cows (now clearly seen to be mother and child), stroll aimlessly through a park. Who will solve this dreadful mystery? Will they never be butchered and bought? In the park, they meet a man in a bowler. The man reads a newspaper: "Agura's Japanese Black Hair Cattle Beef. You can buy it online, too." Glorious truth! Do you see? All is well! Well? Better than that! All is divinely modern!

Our last shot finds our cows in their living room, trying this newfangled thing out for themselves! Yes—they are eagerly ordering beef (their own beef?) online. See the cute cow "hand" pointer icon? Precious!

(Thanks to Dr. Sandra for the referral and background information.)